is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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