The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
