I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
