Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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