It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
