No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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