He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
