Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
