I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
