dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
