dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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