My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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