I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
