She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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