I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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