I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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