White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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