Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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