small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
