i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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