I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
