p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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