is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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