I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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