The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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