I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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