Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
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just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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