Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
