R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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