My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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