"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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