Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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