that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
