I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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