So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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