Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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