hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
