turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize