This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
