Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
