whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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