dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
