2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
