Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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