I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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