seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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