I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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