Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
