I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
