Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
