whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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