You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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