return my video game
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
