i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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