...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.