you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere