Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks