just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
