pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed