Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

(760): View more from California

You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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(301): Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room? (760): You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet. http://tfl.nu/jiuf

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day

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(508): I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day http://tfl.nu/qyf0

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(586): View more from Michigan

No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.

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(586): No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises. http://tfl.nu/ovsh

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.

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(610): Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays. http://tfl.nu/bu0x

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes

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(865): I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes http://tfl.nu/sup4

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(217): View more from Illinois

So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy

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(217): So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy http://tfl.nu/9pzn

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(208): View more from Idaho

why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

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(208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g

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(310): View more from California

I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't

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(310): I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't http://tfl.nu/g41b

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.

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(814): the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently. http://tfl.nu/7dnx

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(705): View more from Ontario

I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen

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(705): I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen http://tfl.nu/714w

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(716): View more from New York

i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.

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(716): i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents. http://tfl.nu/knds

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.

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(484): I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game. http://tfl.nu/ixaa

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(360): View more from Washington

WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

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(360): WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN http://tfl.nu/hvye

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend

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(865): I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend http://tfl.nu/9cvt

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(817): View more from Texas

I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.

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(817): I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good. http://tfl.nu/zf93

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