Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
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I will pee on everything he values.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs