Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
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I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job