If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
