Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
