He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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