Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
