I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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