She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
