Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize