going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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