I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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