I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
