Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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