it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
