Christians are straight up FREAKS
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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