Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
