HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
