the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
