i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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